Dear Husband

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Dear Husband,
I am with you when the bills are built up and unpaid and when our shoulders are tense with stress and worry.
I am with you even when it seems like I’m not. Even when I slam the door and storm out of the room, and when I roll to the far side of the bed so you don’t forget that I am mad at you.

I am with you when we aren’t sure where we are going to live next month, and I am with you when we make this house a home.
I am with you when I laugh at your jokes, and I’m with you when I roll my eyes.
I am with you when you’re hilarious and fun and I’m with you when you’re in that mood that makes me crazy.

I am with you when you’re feeling anxious, and I am with you no matter how many appointments we need no calm your racing mind.
I am with you when we have a glass of wine at the end of a trying day, and I am with you when we pop champagne to celebrate.
I am with you as you find your dream job. I am with you as you unbury the passions in your heart and make them a reality. I believe in you even when you don’t (I won’t ever stop).
I’m with you when you feel confident in yourself and certain of the future, and I’m with you when you’re struggling and unsure.
You have been with me when I was young and you have been with me when my body was swollen and pregnant. You’ve been with me when I was soaked with milk and when I couldn’t stop crying because hormones.
You’ve been with me when I got so mad I was mean.
You’ve been with me when I let my spending get out of hand again. You’ve been with me when I misplaced my 17th debit card and put the keys somewhere I just can’t remember.

You know me better than anyone, and I know you better than everyone.
I am with you.
I am all in, forever.
I choose you no matter what life throws at us.
I love you,
Your wife

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To my first born,

You blow me away everyday. You are full of wonder and excitement. Happiness bursts from every smile, and your eyes are filled with so much unconditional love.

I am sorry I am hard on you. I’m sorry I always feel like I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I yell. Motherhood caught me by surprise, and although the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life have been from you, I am still learning. You have taught me patience, to take a deep breath, and to laugh my head off no matter what happens. Thank you for paving the way for your sister. I appreciate you wearing down my rougher edges. Thank you for being the most explosively joyful little human I have ever met. I love looking at you and seeing your daddies eyes looking back at me. You have so many of the qualities I love most in him.

Today we didn’t have a very good day. You lost your temper, I lost mine too. You pushed me away, and told me you didn’t love me. It broke my heart.

Tonight I tucked you into bed and pushed your blonde hair out of the way to kiss your forehead. It was soft, and it reminded me just how sweet and little you are. I promise to stop wishing the days away, to cherish the moments we have. Even if it’s hard. Even if you are making me crazy. The love I have for you is immeasurable, and unconditional. I promise myself I can take whatever crazy days are coming for us, and I welcome them with open arms.

xoxo

Mommy

IDK What I’m Doing

I used to know what sleep was. That magical feeling of crawling into crisp white sheets and staying put for 8+ hours. Its now more of a distant memory, a feeling of nostalgia. I have been a mom of two for 6 months now. One was easy enough. Keep her happy, help her become a good person, and rest when she did. Then her sweet, sweet little sister came into the scene. They have such vastly different personalities already, it has been the adjustment of a life time! Natalie is spunky, energetic, and basically the human version of a firework. Brynn is cuddly, dependent, and well… a needy baby. Don’t get me wrong, attending to her needs is something I love to do. I feel loved, needed, and fulfilled being a mom of 2. Challenged, but happy. I am walking through many days, feeling slightly zombie-ish, with a messy bun and a coffee in hand.

I can be so incredibly hard on myself a mom. It’s hard not to be in this day, with social media flashing pictures of the perfect house, the perfectly dressed kids, and home cooked meals. I constantly compare myself to so many insta-moms and bloggers, wishing I could effortlessly pull off a life like they can. It is far too easy to forget that they are like me, working so hard to do their best. So, just because I’m not like them, doesn’t mean I’m not doing a good job. My kids may not be dressed in handmade Etsy clothes everyday (ok.. ever) and we might eat frozen food as often as fresh.. BUT my kids, myself and my husband are happy, we have a roof over our head, we love each other, and we laugh A LOT.

There is a fairly good chance no one is ever going to read this blog, and that’s okay. This can be my place gather my thoughts, and if you feel like following along, please do! Stay tuned for a family introduction next.